Internalize

What do I do?
Can't seem to decide,
It hurts to know that
I feel so empty inside.

Trauma alters the mind
I wish to heal myself
and gather info for me to remind,
That I'm human, and alive.

I sit still and yet feel anxious,
there must be a solution
to the troubles I'm dealing with,
Can I fully feel the retribution?

I want the old me back,
Me, right now, isn't the same,
Don't know how to pick up the slack
while dealing with internal pain.

Darkness

I've seen you once before,
consuming all, even a pure heart.
We can only hope to restore,
if only one can ignite a spark.

I've traveled through you before,
left me cold, apathetic and alone.
Reality favors you, so we go once more.
I become nothing, and again unknown.

I've escaped you before,
you're not infinite, I find a way.
I find the light, so you ignore,
though through shadows you're portrayed.

I've seen you once before,
without you we don't know light.
I truly shouldn't fear you anymore,
cause in the end, we are all right.

One Way, or The Other

Which reality can be accepted?
Should I wait and see?
Live forever, or live as the expected...
Either way, I'll always be me.

Dimensions come and go,
it leaves me only to observe.
True life, I will never know.
Maybe a gift and a curse.

Can the imagination take you for a ride?
Take you further to a different dimension,
All the while leaving your brain fried,
Dismissing all comprehension.

The phoenix will always exist in my mind.
It's up to me to push it back.
Locked away, in hopes to never remind,
Of the patterns that end in black.

If Death Came for Thee

If Death came for thee,
would you embrace the reaper?
Or would you simply try to flee?
Could you even escape if you tried?

Convinced the end is near,
how do you expect to react?
Trying to do away with the fear,
while struggling to just stay in tact.

My mind each day slowly brings me down,
The visions haunt me, there's no escape,
Feels as though I'm going to drown.
I'm losing myself in this battle.

Can't stop the revelation,
it wants me to surrender, sweet decadence.
I plead for my salvation,
the end makes way for the following genesis.

Phoenix

I am the Phoenix.

I don't rise from ashes,
but I know I live forever.
When the world clashes,
I'll struggle through the endeavor.

The cycle, like a spectrum
contains two parts, I believe.
At first, unaware I'm happily dumb,
Next, I know the truth, so I grieve.

I am the phoenix, I've been given clues.
Reliving moments, or having foresight.
Although at times it feels like abuse.
I know I'll forever be alright.

The people I love, forever at my side.
This gives me some peace of mind.
All they do for me, as they provide,
For this is life, that which others are blind.

Feeling Defeated

I feel like I'm losing my reality, and there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe poetry can help me stay sane.

This world I see,
is it just a lie?
How does one relive a moment,
that which is new in my eye?

Dejavu or premonition?
I see these time to time.
My mind fights like an ignition,
Dealing with this scary crime.

I want to move ahead,
but something pulls me back.
These visions end with me dead,
I feel powerless against this attack.

Paranoia clouds my rest,
The cycle comes for me.
Like an officer's arrest,
I will never be set free.

Me vs. Reality

I wrote this poem, because I started hallucinating and seeing patterns in my life. It might just be from Anxiety or Paranoia, or even schizophrenia but these are just my thoughts and how I feel while getting the psychiatric help I need.

My mind fights alone,
What will win? Answer unknown.
The veil of reality has been torn,
it's up to me to continue or be reborn.

The patterns I see cause my fright,
Images of a strange dimension...
Medication subsides this strange blight.
Although my brain struggles through the tension.

Every new place I enter feels foreseen,
Dejavu? What the fuck? This can not be.
Through a moment I question the scene,
Is this real? My own mind does not agree.

I hope to God I get through this strife,
Hoping to break the cycle that I convinced myself to believe.
So I may carry on with my life,
and enjoy the reality that I perceive.